Reflections - A Year On

Wheeew, a year on the road already! It goes quick.

Recently I celebrated the first year (of many) on the road, not with a ‘POP!’ from an expensive champagne bottle, nor blowing out the flame of a single candle, but with a day just like every other. It lead  to the expression of thoughts and feelings from some ad hoc writings while feeling full of awe, potential and inspiration a few weeks earlier. As the fog of doubt lifts, these are reflections from the road.

‘The absence of all doubt leads to complete success!“  Padmasambhava

… A single thought that possibly best captures the essence of the journey to date.

I’ve been on the road a year now and I can’t help but look back and wonder how the expedition started, how pieces of a seemingly infinite puzzle fell into place to lead me on the path that I’m on. Only a year ago I set out with so much doubt, navigating a sea of subtle anxiety and expectation. But I also remember feeling a buoyant and youthful enthusiasm, a mountain of hope in my heart and revelling in thoughts of countries to visit, places to explore, experiences to be had and people to meet.

It was an ambitious undertaking but one full of potential. The ‘destination’ lay somewhere beyond a horizon I couldn’t see. I would loosely describe it as, a ‘calling‘ (something that I barely recognised and couldn’t possibly understand at the time). In those first few months, I discovered one of the most important lessons on the road, that only by walking the path do you discover it’s significance.

Interestingly, the ‘calling‘ manifested itself as anxiety, a restlessness of sorts, perhaps a feeling that there was something out there to discover – possibly best described as a hunger of the soul. Trying to feed this hunger while caught in a fast paced, economically focused and materialistic way of life felt like running on a treadmill. The futility became increasingly obvious the harder I ran. Unable to go on with this inner struggle, I contrived a plan, laying a long, bold and difficult path at my feet – all I then had to do was make sure I could muster the fortitude and summon the courage to follow it. I stopped trying to swim against a current I barely knew existed and instead decided to discover where it led.

I’ve met some incredibly inspiring, beautiful and intelligent people over the past 12 months. These people have challenged, confused and enlightened my understanding of the world. From simple villagers with nothing but bamboo huts, dirty, torn clothes and a strong vibrant sense of community to inspirational tales from fellow travellers, it has been, to put it mildly, an eye opening experience. I realised for myself that we all smile and as much as we would like to think we’re different, we all share a common bond, a common connection that is often labelled (but sometimes misunderstood), as ‘humanity’. This common connection provides food and shelter in times of need and humbles me with warm smiles and generosity. It is something that intellectually one can only hold a limited understanding. It must be discovered, felt and experienced.

Somehow in it all I can’t help but feel that I’m not in control, more a willing passenger on this voyage of discovery. I usually don’t share the more personal aspects of this journey and the many subtle inner transformations on the website. Perhaps it’s partly because they are inherently personal, partly because I fear criticism, partly because of my cultural and educational conditioning, partly perhaps because I still have some doubt while trying to ‘make sense’ of it all. But what I’m learning is that the inner journey, the expedition, are inseparable – they are one and the same.

‘A pilgrim, should not, cannot tread the path, until he becomes the path himself!‘ Shakyamuni Gautama

Sixteen thousand kilometres, a third the way around this beautiful and diverse planet we call home and that same hunger continues to grow. I find myself in Lijiang China looking at 5000 metre snow capped peaks in the distance thinking of the year passed, the many years ahead and the challenges/obstacles to confront. It makes me smile. The challenges are always apparent. Having never lived at elevation before I find myself having to catch my breath simply walking up and down flights stairs. The road now leads through the Himalayas to Lhasa and onto Kathmandu – over the ‘roof of the world’. It is a remote and inhospitable environment full of epic snow capped peaks, warm people, high mountain passes and stunning scenery.

It has been an incredible journey of discovery to date, but also a rich ‘spiritual pilgrimage‘. I’ve been learning about philosophy, the limitations and extensions of religion, reading inspirational books, spending time in meditation ‘retreats’, seeking the meaning of ancient tales and myths, appreciating the expression of art and the role of the muses, realising the limitations of language, listening to my intuition (and nurturing it), learning the simple joy of being, connecting with people, places and cultures, contemplating thoughts while riding, being open to new ideas and experiences and more recently, finding a ‘quiet space’ that was missing.

I no longer believe in luck, learning to accept that everything happens for a reason. Often the reason(s) may be clouded, or totally obscured from view. The key is perspective, perhaps infinite perspective and even that is relative. The journey hasn’t been easy. Almost every day I grapple with and confront my own fears, some of which, I have only recently began to discover. It’s not easy holding the metaphorical mirror to yourself each day. It is much easier to dismiss than to confront. The real revolution, of our own inner ripening is waiting in our hearts – lying dormant. The process has to start each and everyone of us. If intelligence is defined by the connections we make, then it is appallingly obvious that we, as a society and as individuals, have a lot of connections to make before we learn to live in harmony. But what I’m also finding out is that often it’s better not to look beyond your eyesight.

“Be the change that you want to see in the world” Gandhi

I share these thoughts and reflections with others in the hope that you may heed your own ‘call to adventure‘. There is an inner and a veiled outer world to discover full of surprises. It starts by listening to your heart, giving yourself the gift of time and following your bliss. Finding and cultivating that is part of the journey. It is for each of us to discover. Like a seed that cannot possibly know of the future fruit it will bear, this seed has to be planted in fertile ground, watered, nurtured and simply be content to grow. It seems happiness is in being rather than doing.